hoodlum payphone: Self-Love is Going Inside

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Self-Love is Going Inside

Part eight in?The ABC?s of Self-Love Reflections Series?

Self-love is?an inside job.

?We have been raised, indoctrinated and brainwashed to believe that happiness is at the end of the elusive yellow brick road when, in fact, it is right inside of us. The torch lives within; the gold we seek is the treasure of ourselves and is fully claimed through self-love.? (Excerpted from The ABC?s of Self-Love)

If you had told me, way back when, that everything I was looking for was right inside me I probably would have crumpled up and cried. Further, if you?d told me I would have to love myself in order to access it, I would have given you ?the look?, said, ?Good Luck? with tons of attitude, and walked away knowing that my life was over. To that point, nothing in my life?s script would have led me to believe that anything other than finding my prince, having a baby, escaping from the abuse and the money to leave would have made me happy.

I was miserable inside and it was the last place I would have thought to look for joy, peace, fulfillment, satisfaction or love. I wanted to escape myself as much as I wanted to get the hell out of Dodge. My ?eyes were on the prize,? as they say, which consisted of confectionery dreams spun to stave off the darkness of my circumstances. Everything I wanted was ?out there? not ?in here.?

I had been indoctrinated, just like millions of us, to look for happiness in things, accomplishments, money, rewards and status. I had no idea that I was trading one hell for another. I became a self-improvement junkie with a closet full of shoes and clothes that five women wouldn?t have had time to wear (i.e. shopaholic). Add to those, a sad track record of three husbands who didn?t come close to being the prince, and you know how hard I was looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I can look back on it all now and laugh at myself but at the time (teens through my thirty somethings), not so much. I had no idea who I was, except that I was wonderfully adept at survival. I was looking everywhere for the promised land and all I kept creating were impossible mountains to climb. I kept thinking if I could just ?do? more, then I would have more and with that, happiness. I had no concept that being happy isn?t about doing or having, it?s about being.

Like so many of us on this endless quest, the idea of ?being? was further compromised because I hated who I was, and didn?t want to be me. How could I ever get to OZ? I was unworthy after all, and deep down never really believed I ever would. Until one day, when I was faced with the choice of live or die, and self-love picked me up and set me down in the opposite direction.

?We live in a world where everyone lives their version of ?going for the gold?. No matter whether you are: on a spiritual quest, trying to find yourself, looking for another job, learning something new, pining for your true love, planning for retirement, waiting to grow up, or just trying to make it through the day, we are all looking for that elusive reward, happiness.? (Excerpted from The ABC?s of Self-Love)

Going inside, discovering who I am, learning to love myself has been priceless, far outweighing any of the so-called riches of the outer world. Before, when I was focused on the pot of gold, I was not only out of the present moment but I was also separated from myself. I learned from the inside out that true happiness is a state of being, not doing, and the fastest and most enduring route to happiness is always an inside job.

A wise man once said, ?The standard of success in life isn?t the things. It isn?t the money or the stuff. It is absolutely the amount of joy that you feel.? (Excerpted from The ABC?s of Self-Love)

How can you experience the joy ?inside? today?

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XXOO ? Have you loved yourself today?

Photo Credits:

Meditation by Elf Sternberg